4 steps to networking for people who hate networking

by Maya Afilalo

If the idea of “networking” makes you recoil, you’re not alone. In one study, just recalling a networking situation made people want to wash their hands! 

Yet, we have a feeling that it’s something we should be doing. Indeed, it’s estimated that over 70 percent of professional jobs are obtained through one’s network. Even if you’re not job-hunting, networking accounts for about 10 percent of early promotions and career satisfaction.

In the words of Harvard Business School professor Dr. Francesca Gino, “Even when people know networking is beneficial to their careers, they often don't do it.”

The good news is that there are ways to make networking less painful and more effective.

1. Reframe what it means to network

Networking often evokes images of stuffy cocktail hours, wearing name tags and trading business cards. Or, maybe a Zoom meeting full of strangers. These events are often unpleasant, not to mention ineffective.

There’s a sense that networking is about getting ahead, which makes it uncomfortable. In fact, research suggests that this is part of what holds women back.

But there’s a better way to look at it. Instead, think of networking as forming genuine, long-term relationships. Put aside “getting ahead”, and focus on building mutually beneficial relationships—where you have as much to give as to gain. 

“If you focus on what you can offer to the relationship, it might be an important mindset to have, and remove some of those feelings of inauthenticity,” says Gino.

2. Make networking for you 

“I’ve come to realize that networking is downright enjoyable when you match it to your strengths and interests, rather than forcing yourself to attend what the business world presents as archetypal ‘networking events,’” says Dorie Clark, a self-described introvert who was recently named one of the Top 50 business thinkers in the world by Thinkers50. That means if you don’t like formal networking events, ditch them!

Clark and other experts suggest hosting your own event. Bring together a group of people you think would enjoy each other’s company. And perhaps counterintuitively, talk about things other than work. Often, the conversation will flow more smoothly and professional information will be exchanged naturally.

Another method: tap into “dormant ties”—catch up with an old friend, colleague, or classmate you were close to once, but haven’t spoken to recently. Research suggests that there’s a surprising amount of value here. That’s because you have a pre-existing level of trust, and maybe most importantly, the person’s network is quite different from your own. If you’re interested in learning more, check out this excellent TedTalk.

3. Decide how much time to put in

The amount of time you spend networking will depend on your circumstances. If you’re actively looking for a job, many recommend spending at least half of your time networking. This includes reaching out for informational interviews, asking for advice, or just catching up. If you’re building a client base or looking for a career transition, networking is also a valuable use of your time. 

Even if you’re happy with your job, you should spend some time networking, especially within your organization. Get to know people you wouldn’t connect with normally, peers and those who are more senior. Building strong relationships with those above you is key to career advancement.

Whatever the case, networking should feel enriching, not taxing, and shouldn’t take away from your other priorities.

4. Create a system to keep track

It’s easy to lose track of who’s in our network, and ultimately, lose touch.

Use a spreadsheet or an app to manage names, contact info, dates of first and most recent contact — whatever feels relevant. You can also categorize: “Current/Potential Clients,” “Connectors,” “Opportunity-Givers,” etc.

Next, schedule calendar time to keep in touch. This can be as simple as liking/commenting on social media activity, or pro-actively doing someone a favor by reposting their article or podcast.

Even better, reach out personally. Clark recommends a simple contact about once per quarter. For example, a short email saying hello, sending along an article or helpful information, or offering to make an introduction. You can add that the person need not reply if they’re busy.

You might even send a note of gratitude. “I think people appreciate follow-up and kudos whenever they come, even if it’s months after the fact,” says Clark.

About every six months, go through your contacts list and regroup. “You need to look at your list of contacts and ask, is it still accurate? Who should I add? Who is no longer quite as relevant?” says Clark.

Bottom line:

Networking often feels like a nightmare, but it doesn’t have to. Do it your own way — above all else, it should feel authentic.