How to respond when someone interrupts you
by Maya Afilalo
Whether it’s during a meeting or a conversation with a friend, no one wants to be interrupted. Depending on the situation, you might feel anything from brief annoyance to deep frustration.
Unsurprisingly, interruptions don’t affect everyone equally. Women and people of color are more likely than white men to be interrupted in meetings, both physical and virtual. It’s estimated that men interrupt others twice as often as women do, and men are nearly 3 times more likely to interrupt women than they are other men.
When you’re interrupted, there’s more at stake than temporary annoyance. The more it happens, the harder it is to participate and get your contributions recognized. Instead, those who interrupt pick up the visibility and credit.
So, how do you reassert yourself in the conversation and get credit where it’s due?
Defuse the moment
“When someone interrupts you, blocks you, or otherwise thwarts your intended action, it’s natural to feel upset,” says Dr. Judith White, associate professor at Dartmouth’s Tuck School of Business. “This is a basic instinct and you will always have a flash of annoyance.”
That said, you’ll probably be more effective if you slow down and respond—rather than react—to the situation.
One approach: as hard as it might be, try to assume the best in the other person. Perhaps they didn’t realize what they were doing, or the effect it had on you.
“Separating intent from impact can defuse some of the frustration so that we can deal with the interruption calmly,” says communications expert Sarah Neville.
There is reason to believe some interrupters might be unaware of their actions. Research shows that people perceive interruptions differently depending on their conversational style, and this style can often be traced to cultural or linguistic factors. So what feels like a rude interruption to one person might be a sign of engagement to another.
Still—don’t back down. Resist the urge to shut down or withdraw, and get yourself back in the conversation.
Consider who is present
Your response will depend on who interrupts you and who’s in the room. We know this intuitively—we wouldn’t react the same way to a boss versus a colleague, in an internal meeting versus a client presentation.
“Know the room and your role, why you are in the meeting,” says Jay Sullivan, managing partner at a business communication skills consulting firm.
Consider, too, your company culture. A blunt response like, “I wasn’t finished” might fly in organizations that value directness, but not in defential ones.
If your boss interrupts you, you might want to address it later, in a one-on-one conversation. You can frame things in terms of skill development. For example, “I’m working on my leadership skills” or “I tend not to talk in meetings, and I want to improve. But in our last meeting, there were a few instances when I felt like you interrupted me, and so I didn’t get the chance to work on this.”
Set the tone
Sometimes, you can preempt interruptions. For example, if you’re giving a presentation, mention that you’ll answer questions at the end. If someone does interrupt, you can remind them of that and get back on track.
In a meeting, if you’re trying to convey an in-depth point, you might say something like, “There are several things that led to this suggestion. Thanks for bearing with me as I explain. When I’m done, I’d love to hear your suggestions.”
That said, if a client or your boss interrupts, it’s probably worth breaking your plans and addressing what they say.
Prepare (and use!) some go-to phrases
One of the best ways to prepare for an interruption is to have some go-to phrases at the ready. Of course, exactly what you say will depend on who you’re talking to and how comfortable you feel being direct.
One option: say the person’s name in a positive tone and express that you value their insight. “By saying their name, they almost always will immediately stop talking,” explains Sullivan.
For example, “Daniel, I’m glad we agree! Once I finish my thought, I’d love to hear more about what you think.”
Some other options:
“Before we move on, I’d just like to finish my thought.”
“I’m excited to hear your ideas—I’d just like to finish this point first.”
“I was 75% done with my thought.”
“Give them a percentage,” says Tania Luna co-CEO of a training and development company. “That gamifies it a bit; people will be interested in what the 25% was.”
If you really want to be direct, try something like, “Alan, I really value what you think. But, could you let me finish my point, and then we can discuss? Thank you.” Just be wary that you might come across as rude—an unfair but unfortunately real double standard.
No matter what you say, make sure to get your point in before the conversation moves on. Depending on your comfort level, you might cut back in and “interrupt the interrupter”, or wait for them to finish.
“Make sure to hold your spot in the conversational queue,” says Luna.
Experiment with verbal and nonverbal ways of re-inserting yourself. For example, you can make a signal with your hand (in person, or on Zoom), increase your volume slightly, or physically lean in.
If things are really dire, you might use the same tactic as the interrupter—just keep talking (perhaps pausing to say “one moment”). But don’t be fooled, this one is going to be awkward. Save it for when you really need to convey an idea, and again, be aware of who’s at the table.
Create a coalition of allies and amplifiers
Dealing with interruptions is easier when we have each other’s back. Ahead of time, enlist trusted allies of any gender. When an interruption happens, an ally can say something like, “Hang on, I don’t think Nia was finished.”
Female aides to President Obama used a strategy called “amplification.” When a woman made a point in a meeting, another reiterated it and gave credit. Try it out with your group of allies!
Finally, if interruptions are a regular problem on your team, you might raise the issue in a larger conversation about group norms, without pointing fingers. For example, if your team holds regular retrospectives, you can mention interrupting as something for the group to work on.
Bottom line
Getting interrupted isn’t only frustrating, it can hurt your career. Keep your cool by assuming the best of the interruptor, but don’t back down. Match your response to the situation at hand, set a “no-interruptions” agenda if you can, and have some go-to phrases prepared. Make sure credit is received where it’s due by creating a coalition of allies who support and amplify each other.
Dealing with interruptions isn’t pleasant, and in an ideal world they wouldn’t happen. But in the long run, the momentary discomfort is better than losing your voice.