A step-by-step guide to leaving a job
by Maya Afilalo
Between awkwardness with your boss, navigating the exit interview, and sadness about parting ways with colleagues, it isn’t easy to leave a job. But there are things you can do to make it easier — and maintain strong relationships into the future.
It’s a skill you’ll need more often than you might think. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average job tenure is a little over 4 years. For those age 25 to 34, it’s 2.8 years!
While uncomfortable, it’s important to leave with intentionality.
“The bookends — how you start and how you end — are the most important parts of any professional relationship,” says Harvard Business School professor Dr. Len Schlesinger.
Here are the keys to leaving a job gracefully.
Give more than two weeks’ notice
Two weeks’ notice is often considered the norm, but it’s usually better to give a little more (2002 romantic comedy notwithstanding). Anything less than two weeks, unless at the request of your company, is considered bad form.
The longer you’ve been at a job, the more time you’ll need to wrap up loose ends. If possible, consider giving three to four weeks. You might even ask your boss what they think is best.
At the same time, be wary of giving too much notice.
“It’s amazing, really, how quickly you become a lame duck,” says Karen Dillon, author of The Harvard Business Review Guide to Office Politics. It’s natural to feel upset about being excluded when you’re on your way out. Instead, she advises, “Try to focus less in those final weeks on being in all the meetings and focus more on making sure you’re saying goodbye to people you care about and that you find ways to stay in touch, so that your relationships come with you.”
And no matter what, work hard until the last day. You want to preserve a positive reputation, even after you leave.
Be intentional about how you tell people
Make sure your boss finds out from you, and not through the grapevine. When you tell them, express gratitude for your experiences and growth. Often, it’s best to be transparent about your next move—it might surprise you how supportive they will be.
Together, you can strategize about how your responsibilities will be distributed. That way, when you tell others, you can answer questions and ease uncertainty and stress.
When it comes to explaining your departure to your team, stick to one story to avoid a rumor mill. If the reason is negative, like a toxic work environment, you can say something like, “This was the right next step for me.”
“You want to be seen as the person who is seeking new growth opportunities rather than as someone who is leaving because they are disgruntled,” says Dillon.
Finally, consider whether your departure could be an opportunity for someone else.
“If you have someone on your team that wants more responsibility, you may want to tap them and say, ‘Hey, this is now up for grabs. Why don’t you raise your hand?’” says Jodi Glickman, author of Great on the Job: What to Say, How to Say It, The Secrets of Getting Ahead. “Recommending people for pieces of your work or different opportunities is a great way to leave.”
Navigate the exit interview with tact
It’s tempting to be brutally honest and use the exit interview as a vent sesh. Don’t!
“The exit interview is not the time to give the feedback you wished you had given while you were a full-time employee,” says Schlesinger.
After all, you want to maintain professional connections, and you never know when you’ll need a reference. Maintain composure, but still be honest and direct.
If you haven’t already, you can use the exit interview to explain why you’re leaving. Here are some additional topics you might want to focus on:
Did you have the resources and support you needed to succeed at your job?
Were there ample opportunities to learn and grow?
Were leaders helpful, empowering? Or the reason you left?
What did you like most about your job/organization?
What are your top one or two recommendations for change?
Keep constructive feedback neutral, focusing on the facts and your perception of the situation, rather than character assasination.
Make sure to include the positive, too. Letting your employer know what they’re doing well can be even more helpful than telling them what they need to improve.
Stay in touch
One of the hardest parts of leaving a job is saying goodbye to the people we work with. In a survey, 1 in 3 respondents said their greatest concern about making friends at work is that it will hurt too much to lose the friendship when one person leaves.
The good news: nearly two-thirds also said that they are still close to a “best work friend” from a previous job.
The key is to recreate the consistency of your relationship, which was effortless when you worked together. Maybe it’s planning a standing time to catch up with a cocktail, or simply texting something that made you think of them.
Push yourself to talk about more than your former workplace. “One of my favorite questions to shape a conversation is, ‘I thought it would be fun to each share one thing we’re loving about life right now and one thing that’s causing stress,’” says Shasta Nelson, author of The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of the Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time. “This allows each person to pick what they want to talk about most and ensures both people celebrate and support each other.”
And while it’s less exciting, keeping in touch with your boss is often a good networking idea. Do it in a way that feels comfortable. It can be as simple as liking/commenting on a LinkedIn post or sending them a relevant article. Or, you might send an occasional life update or plan a time to catch up.
Bottom line:
Leaving a job is rarely easy. But it doesn’t have to be painful, and doing it right can serve you long after you’ve moved on.