The power of the word "fair"

by Ray Bass

I want to take a second to talk about the word “fair,” and its use in the modern workplace. On the surface, “fair” seems pretty innocuous. We generally think of fairness as a positive concept—we all like the idea of being treated fairly—but when used in negotiations, “fair” holds a surprising amount of power. This is especially true when it comes to negotiating salaries, raises, and promotions. Here’s why “fair” is so powerful, and how you can use it to your advantage. 

In Chris Voss’s book, Never Split the Difference, he dedicates an entire chapter to talking about the word “fair,” and the weight that it carries in negotiations. A former FBI hostage negotiator, CEO, and author, Voss has seen firsthand how much we as humans care about being respected—or rather, how much we feel we’re being respected. When we feel like we’re being treated fairly, we comply, and when we don’t, we lash out. We reject deals or propositions that feel insulting or unfair because, as Voss describes it, “the negative emotional value of unfairness outweighs the positive rational value of the money.” 

So, what does this have to do with you and your negotiations in the work world? Well, think back to any business dealings you’ve had, whether it involved a job offer, compensation package, or potential promotion. Was the word “fair” ever used by your employer to describe what they were proposing (a salary number, job title, timeline for a raise, etc.), even when their proposal wasn’t based in fact? Did the word “fair” more or less negate what you proposed, and did you end up settling for less? According to Voss, this happens all the time, but usage of “fair” is often very subtle. Here’s an example you may be able to relate to:

Let’s say you walk into a compensation discussion with a new salary number in mind. You make a great case for why you deserve that salary, presenting data on your impact and explaining how you’re already being paid below market. If your employer was trying to use the word “fair” to their advantage, they would say something like: “Well, we think that it’s fair that you get X amount,” or “this is the raise we’ve determined to be fair.” Now, even though you’ve brought to the table what you think is fair, they used the word “fair” first, and suddenly you’ve lost your power. “Fair” completely disarms the person on the other side of the negotiation (i.e. you). You’re more likely to accept a lower salary because you don’t want to seem unfair or unreasonable in this conversation. You don’t want to be seen as not responding to logic. See how subtle yet influential that is? You’ve now compromised on what you want, simply because your employer claimed they were being “fair.” 

Fortunately, Voss explains three ways that this “fairness” dynamic can be used in our favor. You sort of have to turn the tables, and be the first one to propose fairness. 

The first way is to say “I only want what’s fair,” before your employer has the chance to say that they want what’s fair. This phrase makes an implicit accusation of unfairness, and destabilizes the other side. Voss admits it’s not particularly positive, but it’s better than having “fair” used against you. 

The second way to use it is as a reaction if your employer were to say “this is a fair offer.” Voss suggests reacting by mirroring the fairness that was just thrown at you: 

“Fair?” you’d respond, pausing to let the word’s power do to them as it was intended to do to you. Follow that with a label: “It seems like you’re ready to provide the evidence that supports that,” which alludes to opening their books or otherwise handing over information that will either contradict their claim to fairness or give you more data to work with than you had previously. Right away, you declaw the attack.

The third (most positive) use of “fair,” looks something like: “Stop me if any of this sounds unfair.” Voss prefers this tactic, as he says it opens the floor for honest and empathetic negotiation. 

Here’s how I use it: Early on in a negotiation, I say, “I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair, and we’ll address it.”

By saying this, you let the other side know that you just want to be honest, and that they can use the word “fair” with you, so long as they’re also being honest. 

Next time you head into any sort of negotiation, it’d be wise to prepare and arm yourself with the word “fair” and the “fairness” dynamic, and be very careful if you hear it being used by your employer. It may well never come up, but if it does, you’ll be ready to push for what you feel is fair.